she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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