if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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