he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Drunk is not a location!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
