There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
