It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
