During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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