I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
