Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
