if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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