What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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