You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
