Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
