He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
