T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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