i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize