I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
