Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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