Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
