using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
