I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
