If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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