I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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