I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize