I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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