Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
