Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Welp...herpes.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
