that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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