The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
