I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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