i think i have two assholes
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
