A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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