What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
