I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
