She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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