wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
