At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
