This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
