im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
