Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
