You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
