When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
i think my cat just said my name.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
