Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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