dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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