How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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