We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
