I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
