I heard we made out
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
