in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
