we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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