What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
