I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
