When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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