yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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