so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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