I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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