so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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