im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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