Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
