are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
