Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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