She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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