i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
