She said her name was "party"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
