the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
