True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just high enough for therapy.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
