I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We had to coat check the pizza.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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