Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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