So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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