I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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