i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We're using joints as your birthday candles
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
