I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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