Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
