I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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